When you love hard.

Today marks month six since my dad passed on. It's hard to believe and yet time has brought a sense of acceptance (very minor, but still there) and disbelief too. I have found that the new season, the sunshine, and warmer weather has helped. Getting out of the house and involved in enjoying the many gifts God chooses to share with us is definetely helpful.

To add salt to my wounds, I received some very difficult news this weekend. I am not able to say much due to the confidentiality that I need to maintain per work policy, but a kid that I was a house parent to was in a car accident a couple of days ago. His injuries and the circumstances surrounding his treatment resemble the experience we had with dad after his accident.

I find it strange that I am experiencing this again. I am questioning the universe and all that God has planned; his purpose for each of us. How is it that I will endure this not once in my life, but twice and just a handful of months apart?

God has a purpose, a time, a season for everything. I am praying for a complete healing and yet find my faith is somewhat weak in this area. I've talked to God about it and asked Him to forgive me for it. I know He understands and loves me despite my struggle. Despite my feelings and emotions, I trust His purpose and timing.

Through all of this I have learned quite a few things about myself. One of these things being that I love hard. I love completely, fully, and do my best to love as Christ would want me to. The cost of loving hard is that you risk losing big. However, it is worth the risk.